Friday, March 30, 2012

Hmm... I am feeling pretty lost now. Like a series of intense and mixed feelings just keep coming at me. I feel extremely happy and fortunate on on hand, on the other, I feel disappointed and angry. Happy because the trip I have been planning so long for is finally here, but because of that, I have to forfeit one day of fun to recuperate. Fortunate because I have friends who care about me and even after telling them they still accepted me for who I am. Disappointment because I just received a double whammy. Two rejections at one go. Heh. Not like I was expecting much. I sort of had that gut feeling it would not get through. After all, I am not outstanding. Just average. Although I told myself not to expect much, the feeling of expectation and hopes just kept growing and growing, waiting in anticipation, only to find my hopes being crushed. Twice. I know I already have obtained other opportunities but I just can't help but feel pretty down about this. But then again, even if I got it, I would most likely have to reject it. Heh. And angry because I cannot control all these emotions. I am supposed to be able to hide my feelings, control them well and not let the get to me. But right now, I am so angry at myself for not being able to tame these feelings. And it doesn't help that I am sort of useless now because I cannot even walk in normal shoes. Oh the embarrassment. I loathe my pathetic self right now.
In other news, I will be shopping for a decent pair of slippers to get by the next few days. Hope it wouldn't be crazy expensive.

rambled on 3/30/2012 08:25:00 am

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