OH MY TIAN... I did something stoopid again yesterday!!!! ARGHHHH. WHY DO I KEEP DOING STUUUUUUUUUPID THINGS? whywhywhywhywhy?! My retardation factor can be over 1 I tell you even though that is not possible science-ically, in fact I think I'm 101% retarded. AHHHH!!!! I'm retarded! And stupid enough to do many many stupid things! Everytime, Everyday, Every moment! Always doing something majorly/minorly stupid! Be it falling down a flight of stairs or tripping over FLAT ground or forgetting when to go for something or getting bruises due to stupidity or walking into a door WHICH IS NOT MADE OF GLASS or mistaking bus 176 for 156 (THAT IS MAJORLY BLUR) or or or doing something you know you can never do! ARGHHHH! I want to hide myself in the room for the rest of my life to make up for the stupid and unnecessary embarrassments I caused, BAH! I'm officially *splats dead on the ground*
but must recover by next week cos got a lot of things happening next week! YESH! T-T
Yea people! I'm deciding to go back to emo-ing again! emo emo emo. actually its kind of healthy thing to do. after u emo, u feel either emo-er or happier! so i shall emo! and see what the outcome is! if i jump off a building tml, means i got emo-er... so bb! emo-time! and i cant believe myself.. i did something stupid again ytd... i feel so retarded sia... stupid like cant be any stupidier... haiz...
Feeling pretty down now.. though I know I should be happy and all, that exams are over... But now that everything is over, I feel like things have gotten a little meaningless... Mugging and mugging your topics.. day after day... it is either you keep going and get more tired or you stop but once you take a break, it is hard to get back on track. It is just like.. sian. There is like no point in trying so hard when in the end, the results may just suck more Crying will never solve any problems. I've told myself that time and time again. So what if you cry and reflect but after going through all that trouble, there is still no improvement. I have been trying, very very hard. It is just, I think I try too hard that in the end, I try aimlessly and nothing comes out of it. 我本来是个没自信的人，只有自知。。。每天都想成功，但就是没有那个自信去达到自己的目标。后来，我有了自信但失去了自知，那时就会横冲直撞而因为做不到事情就乱发脾气。现在呢？我两个都没了。。。每天只会想要这个想要那个，但不会怎么做而把事情弄得更糟！ Inspiration from HMT paper... but anw! Point is, I feel really hopeless now. I've reminded myself not to cry, I've scolded myself for crying because I know that that will not change the fact that I have not been doing well enough. I believe that you only deserve to cry when you have tried really hard and everything else just fails, only cry when you have no other option and yet, I always succumb to the temptation of crying whenever, wherever. You had other options, you did not try hard, you are only cheating yourself. Living in a whole pack of lies! I'm tired of needing to regret only after I made a mistake. I'm tired of needing to realise its too late after I did something wrong. I'm tired of reflecting on how stupid I have been behaving. I'm tired of having all the sleepness nights due to guilt. I'm tired of the constant self-reminders. I'm tired of hurting those around me. I'm tired of neglecting those I love. I'm tired of focusing on the wrong thing every time. I'm tired of feeling bad. I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of getting jealous over such small matters. I'm tired of mending the relationships I carelessly destroyed.
But, I am not changing because although I am tired, the life that I have now cannot be replaced. If I change now, other things may change, and who knows, it may get better, it may get worse. I don't intend to find out though because I accept the fact that this is me, but there is the 'me' now because of all these events around me. Everything changed ever since I entered primary school. I learnt what a true friend means. Then came secondary school, Choir totally lit up my life. Believe it or not, I never was interested in choir at all. In primary school, I though choir was a CCA for singing wannabe or for those who cannot sing that's why they go there to pretend to be able to sing. My mother was ranting at me to get a preforming arts CCA. Why? Cos of CCA points. She said that these 'magical' points can ease the stress on my o lvl results. Indeed, they are magical. Cos that was when I found my second family? Sec 1 wasn't a very smooth journey in terms of friendship. I was still discovering who I wanted to be, the intro or extro? I thought this would be easy but easier said than done. In the end, in a failed attempt to try and accommodate both, I became a wierdo. However, in choir, I felt free and that I could be myself. Just naturally me and not pretending to be someone I'm not, Because of this, I grew. I learnt. In sec 2, I met termites. Haha, that's what you can say when things really began to change for me and I really really did not mind this life. However, happy things are always short term, NJC happened and everything was lost. Well sort of... and now here I am again. I am not sure if I am re-experiencing sec 1 again or not.. sheesh! This always happens when I meet ppl I'm gonna be with for a long time! I get super nervous cos I'm scared I will offend them or not click with them and in the end screwing it up even more cos I keep acting wierd like I got split personality or something... And if they ignore me or sth I get super over-sensitive to just a little response cos I really wanna know if they have accepted me or not. and hello, note: I do not have inferiorty complex nor insecurity nor any psychopath/mental(though I admit I'm a lil retarded)/crazy problems hor. I think many ppl also go through the same thing, I'm juz a little more to the extreme side... Well, frankly I love my class now. I have met many different ppl and again I think I have changed. I hope for the better though... (hehe) As for choir, I would never regret joining choir, even if I cannot participate for SYF next year, I still will not regret. Cos this time, when I joined choir, I joined it for passion and not for CCA points. XD
whee writing this post has made me much happier! can detect the mood change right? haha so blogging does relief stress! yepp! it sure does! haha! so actually wadever I wrote up there is actually all useless junk/crap now so it has been thrown into the dustbin in my mind. ah! tt means i wasted your time reading this! ahhh sry! psps!
WHEE! TODAY HIGH!! WHY? ASS WEEK IS almost OVER! Today went to eat lunch wif kyu, xpui and ShM... and i was late for piano! Xinpei
OK before i continue the main event of the day, kyu not-so-solo album, i shall show u wad i did the day before the chem/phy test. My mind was sth liddat.. so the GC decided to follow the owner and stone Oh my.. the GC read my mind! i juz realised i can enter the exam wif my GC liddat! :D but of course i guai kia! I brought in liddat luh... self-explanatory... oh ya! and i was so despo for entertainment i decided to nail polish on anything i could get my hands on.. this one is the stick thing u put on ur hair (and i learnt how to do le!) See one extra shiny staple bullet? THIS ONE.. I damn smart la! I went to nailpolish the cover then it reflected all the light away then i cannt see how much correction tape i had left! then when i doing chem halfway it ran out! then i blur blur dunno wad happen slam my correction tape. then i realised like 5 min later no more.. T-T then i quickly change! Note to everyone: Don't nailpolish ur correction tape the day b4 exam!
OK NOW... PRESENTING... KYUU 别理她，她在想她的亚纶。。。 SY hallucinating! dun ask me who.. (but i think we all know who) SY act cute! Kyu give chou lian! look at kyu's hand signal! Kyu asked: XP, what is SY doing? XP: I don't know Haha... SY is trying to pai guang gao! sunkist orange! :D 你看！我的鼻子不见了！ haha kyu is shocked! 'O'!!! She slapped me... T-T Still buay song... meanwhile XP looks like she is enjoying herself. kyu's -.- face! sian face soon's super yoO!~ face another -.- face use xx toothpick! guarantee teeth sure clean one. kyu eating haha long time no see de hao peng you! since its guest starring termites must put TJM mah.... look at her graceful pose haha same action at the same time! yi yang de dong zuo zai yi yang de shi jian!
kyu trying to be SY still trying to be omg! even soon also want to copy her!
I am dying from exams stress I tell you.. Its so freaking stressful that its stressful. See! I'm so stressed I cant think of anything else other than feeling stressed! BIO. CHINESE. THESE 2 TML. THEN GOT chem and phy and emath the next day! then friday IH. OOG. its actually 3 2 more days of chionging! (IH does not really count hehe) AND we had a complete termites gathering today! whee! so long never see them le :P I saw SOON, XPui and KYUUU~~~ then later saw ngng! jia min was there too i tell you, she was in SOON's HP hahaha! she shines wif so much radiance that ngng can only see her teeth! lol.. anw i will post the 200++ pictures i took today within 2 hours another day after exams are bye bye!!..haha cool right? show how much i miss gou zai-ing.. and i think gt enough to make a kyuu solo album PART 2! heeeheeeeheee...
Hello everybody! I am going to lala land in a few moments time to face the oh-so-dreadful ass the second. yes its interim 2 aka ass week v.2 wheee! ass week rocks man! you get to sit ont the chair and mug and mug and let ur sister laugh at you while you continue mugging and you get distracted damn easily and wander of elsewhere when ur supposed ot mug and whe u realised that u have gone somewhere far far away from the study table u get damn guilty and go back to the table to mug and look at all the wordy words! :D then! after u finish solving a problem or reading a page, you will get the satisfaction if completing 1 out of a million other things you were supposed to go through. Example 1: Yay! I have completed Exercise 1A of the A math textbook! Now I have to complete the rest of the chapter, do logarithms, curve sketching, circles, indices, surds, indirect and direct proportion, number lines, congruency and so much more! whee! (goes off in another direction running like a lunatic) Example 2: YES! I have finally understood how to balance chemical equations! Now i need to study molar mass, concentration on percentage yield, purity and bla bla bla plus i need to revise through term 1 stuff and then i have to move on to physics and do ideal and real gas then do some fun fun energy thermal studies on the kinetic and potential account THEN i can finally move on to the latent heat thingy theory and much more! Finally I can do bio on photosynthesis, eye structure, nervous system, endocrine system! Better take more sodium and calcium if not my brain cannot function oh ho ho ho!!! SEE... THIS IS HOW COOL MUGGING IS! :D
P.S. It may be a good idea to call the camwoodbridge institution now. :D
tml headline: Girl sent to asylum due to over exposure to mugging. Dangerous to students: mugging is a deadly disease, especially during exam periods. Please be extremely cautious. Details on disease: Name: Mug Effects: Person with Muggerism mugs too much and dies Cure: Apparently none yet but studies has shown that forms of entertainment such as the computer and television can prevent muggerism from spreading Result: Patient is seen to be with a book all the times and eyeball strained on the words. Eyebags are super duper obvious and hand is tired from flipping book too much or writing down formulas too often. Hand may cramp, so may butt from long hours of sitting. Brain may also die. Muggerism is Muggalicous and may cause Mugaria as it causes people to Mug. Muggersising is good but too much, like stress, may develop into a serious case of Mugaria also known as Mugititis. Many students have Mugaphobia which is the fear of Mugging. If you have contracted the disease, please take in lots of Anti-Mugger pills and Mugabiotics! It is important! Yes, I have lost it... I'm going mad! heehee! XD and i know i sound scary too! :DDDD wheeeee! *waves arms in air and runs off like a nutcase*
黑糖群俠傳 <== yay! wad issit? does it sound familiar to hei tang ma qi duo? yes it does... you should get the idea.. but why am i promoting it? cos you ge ben ren hui yan na bu xi! haha if its not clear enough then i shall make this super clear: WENG RUI DI WILL BE ACTING IN IT. woots!
anyone got 恆星? I wannttt!!! I know kyu will have and she will send me. (hint hint) hahaha! 翻滾吧！蛋炒飯 is niceeee! Other than er zuo ju er wen, which i gave up quarter way, got no more show wif frh acting le la. so sian. but got ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni to entertain me along the way la. OH!! BUT then will have hot shot coming up SOON and... pi li MIT.. then (mei you le! T-T) I want 恆星!!!!! GAH... and and and 消失的彩虹!
hehe... if my memory did not fail me.. this is the peace guy frm ZJYJ...
Xinpei
My mind was sth liddat.. so the GC decided to follow the owner and stone
Oh my.. the GC read my mind!
i juz realised i can enter the exam wif my GC liddat! :D
but of course i guai kia! I brought in liddat luh...
self-explanatory...
oh ya! and i was so despo for entertainment i decided to nail polish on anything i could get my hands on.. this one is the stick thing u put on ur hair (and i learnt how to do le!)
See one extra shiny staple bullet?
THIS ONE.. I damn smart la! I went to nailpolish the cover then it reflected all the light away then i cannt see how much correction tape i had left! then when i doing chem halfway it ran out! then i blur blur dunno wad happen slam my correction tape. then i realised like 5 min later no more.. T-T then i quickly change! Note to everyone: Don't nailpolish ur correction tape the day b4 exam!
KYUU
别理她，她在想她的亚纶。。。
SY hallucinating! dun ask me who.. (but i think we all know who)
SY act cute!
Kyu give chou lian!
look at kyu's hand signal!
XP: I don't know
Haha... SY is trying to pai guang gao! sunkist orange!
:D
你看！我的鼻子不见了！
haha kyu is shocked! 'O'!!!
She slapped me... T-T
Still buay song...
meanwhile XP looks like she is enjoying herself.
kyu's -.- face!
sian face
soon's super yoO!~ face
another -.- face
use xx toothpick! guarantee teeth sure clean one.
kyu eating
haha long time no see de hao peng you! since its guest starring termites must put TJM mah.... look at her graceful pose
haha same action at the same time! yi yang de dong zuo zai yi yang de shi jian!
kyu trying to be SY
still trying to be
omg! even soon also want to copy her!
