Saturday, June 28, 2008

omg i need to say this! I love my dad and i think he is the best dad in the whole world!
i feel like total shit now and i really gotta thank my dad for helping me...
again it starts wif my mother being all "oh you better live up to my expectation cos the whole world owes me" kinda attitude and you know how much i hate tt bloody ass talk. she keeps saying i'm putting 0% effort into my studies and spend too much time playing on the comp. for fuck's sake. i do study. and i've been crying on countless nights for the hellish math. i DID go through the paper and i DID all i can. but you cant expect me to do EVERYTHING in one day can ya?
"no! i dun wanna hear all this bullshit! you say you have done your homework? so what? you have not done the entire math textbook! you did not buy some exercise book to practice on! i see no effort being put in! you are banned from using that stupid computer of yours! the computer will bring you nowhere in life! only studies can bring you far in life!"

RIGHT. and i see you doing well? if i'm not wrong, a few days ago i asked you to help me with some questions and erm wad was that answer? OH RIGHT. you said you did not know how to do! and dare to call me stupid? i dunno! but what gives you the right to say me when you yourself do not know how to do? at least dad was nice enough to stay with me for that 2 long hours and try to understand with me! even though we fully did not get it but somehow i got the rough idea! at least he was nice enough to treat me like his daughter! at least he spends time to even ask me how my day was!

while i was at the study table figuring out my math, you were up there in your room sleeping with that other darling daughter of yours! and have you ever seen the effort i put in?! you always say i come home and slack. you always say i never put in effort. you always say i do not have self discipline! but have you ever even noticed that i have been trying to please you?! have you even took the effort to see the progress i make everyday? all you want is the sudden change! all you care about is the results! today when i was practicing the piano. dad sat behind me to listen. when i was done he said i improved a little. do you know how happy i was? then you had to come in and ask him why he wasted his time listening to a piece that was not even worth listening to? you had to comment on how many mistakes i made? yes i know its not perfect! i'm sorry i'm not the prodigy you always wanted. i'm sorry ok?

while i'm up there crying in my room, all you can do is sit in front of the tv and continue on with your life. as if i've never existed. then you finally come up and ask me to eat dinner. for once i thought you actually cared for me. but then it was all a lie. it seems that dad didn't want to eat because he knew i wasnt going to eat dinner. he was waiting for me to eat with him. you know he cannot skip a meal because of his medication so you want me to eat. at that moment i did not know what to think of. i did not want to eat. but i couldn't be so selfish as to starve my dad, the dad who i owe so much to...

i think i'm gonna have another nightmare tonight... oh great... haiz... see la! everything is all cos of my studies. let's juz solve this problem once and for all: demolish MOE

who's with me? O.o

rambled on 6/28/2008 11:09:00 pm

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